One of the most common misconceptions regarding the cheating wife archetype in American mass imagination is that she’s out to somehow, some way punish her husband. This is not always the case. You have to understand that for somebody to punish somebody, they are looking to exact revenge. They are operating out of anger. They are operating out of a sense of vindictiveness. In many cases, women who cheat on their husbands, not just once but many times over and with many different partners, are not out to harm their husbands. In many cases, they actually love their husbands.
What happens is that there is something else at play. It’s not just a question of getting back. In fact, in vast majority of cases they’re really not trying to pay back their husband. Their husband might be otherwise a kind and loving father to their kids and a very generous provider to her, but it really doesn’t matter because something else is going on. They just think “I want to have an affair” all day long..
They are looking for something they’re missing
You have to remember that as our economy and society evolves, money is a lousy proxy and substitute for things that truly matter. Your kids would love you more if you stuck around and spent more time with them instead of showering them with money. Your wife would pay more attention to you and value you more if you simply stuck around and listen to her talk about everything under the sky and just give her your attention.
It’s not about money. It’s not about financial support. It’s not about this some sort of materially rich lifestyle that you can provide. It really is about something else. It’s about your time and most importantly, your attention. Many wives who cheat are simply missing out on the attention. They understand that attention is worth more than money, and unfortunately, since their husbands can’t provide what they are craving they end up cheating.
They equate physical intimacy with emotional intimacy
This really is the clincher when it comes to the psychology of people who cheat. They are able to pull the trigger regarding infidelity because they feel that they are missing something. They are not out to punish their husband, but they are looking for something they are missing out on. They feel it’s the missing piece that would make their lives complete.
Unfortunately, this is based on a lie. This is based on the misconception that physical intimacy is one and the same as emotional intimacy. This is wrong. This is almost as bad as equating attention with money. Just as it’s stupid to try to make up for your physical absence by sending somebody money, it’s stupid to assume that just because you’re banging somebody that that person that you’re banging automatically cares about you at a meaningful level. Unfortunately, this is a common trap a lot of cheating wives fall into again and again.
Finally, some women cheat because they identify sex with power. In most cases, they absolutely love and adore their husbands but they feel that they need to exercise power and control over their lives. In many cases, they feel that the only outlet really is to have sex with a stranger. This may seem like twisted logic to you, but if you reach that level of self-analysis then you’d realize that the most common factor that makes people miserable in our modern age is the sense that they lack control over their lives. There are many ways to reestablish control. You can exercise your creativity. You can volunteer to help other people. You can try to join a foundation to make the world better, or you can simply try something easier and substitute sex with power.